Im all alone in the house now. My family is in a big mess and i really dont know what to do to help my mother. I really feel so sad for my mother having to face all this troubles that we have created for her. Although she puts on a strong front, i can see all the pains we`re causing her. Having raise 4 of us up all by yourself, it must be really disappointing for you to see the way we`re 'thanking' you by creating all this shit for you to clear up and also see our family slowly breaking apart. Hais..Really so sorry mummy! I really love you. =)

Anyways, i wasnt involved in any shit but my sisters. I cant understand why they`re so stupid. One sees her bf as more impt than her family while the other 2 just dont understand what is called 'once bitten twice shy'. Hais. Really feel so sad for my mom! =(

My relationship is also in a big mess now. Baby says he wanna break ytd because of something i`ve said to him. He said i caused him to lose his pride. Hais, i really did not mean what i`ve said and i said it just to spite him. To think it would lead us to this place whereby i feel so distant from him. I cried my lungs and eyes out till the extend that i couldnt even breath and my legs and arms totally had no energy. All this did now work until the end when i begged him not to leave me. Im glad he has forgiven me but now, i feel as thou im a stranger to him, and i cant face him later when i meet him because i know there will be this strong tension between us. I dont know why he can always act like nothing has happened when he meets me and treats me normally when someting THIS big has happened. Whenever anything big happens or whenever he says the word 'break' to me, i would just feel so distant from him. The feeling would just NEVER be the same as before. And i cant bring myself to tell him i love him as it gives me a very strange feeling. I have this thought many times, to just let him go if he wants to but yet, when the time comes, my mind is telling me to let him go while my heart is telling me to ask him to stay. I know very well myself i would not be the same old samantha if he leaves me and im sure i would change into a girl that everyone dont know. Hais.. Why does god have to let all this shit happen at the same time? Why is he trying to show/say? Is it a test for my whole family and me to overcome? I hate having to put up a strong front when my heart isnt feeling what i show on the surface. Im feeling so sad now. Hais..

Remembered there was once i was talking to my friend about me and marcus not allowing each other to accept members of the opposite sex into our friendster and what she said really set me thinking. She said that marcus lacks trust in me because if he really trust me, he would not be afraid even if a thousand guys added me in friendster, and it goes the same for me too. So i guess, me and marcus really lack trust for one another. Hais..

I wanna thanks those that have tried to comfort me and especially xiuwen. She sent me some bible versus about staying strong and although im not christian i really wanna thank her for her effort for trying to keep me going strong. And also for praying for my family. Really thanks alot. =)

Hais, guess i`ll stop here already. I`ve really got no mood to do anything now.Boo to all this shit that is happening now! >;(

Sammie is NOT feeling happy. ( ::"-":: )

** Baby, im really so sorry. If you`re free, go and hear the song 'Sorry' by Su Yong Kang. Every word in that song is what i wanna say to you. Im really sorry. Hais

自从第一眼到现在什至没人敢预测的将来
请你相信不是我不愿意改变我自已
而是一再努力又一再放弃那个软弱的自已
其实我恨透了我自已没有认输的勇气
让你受尽了不安和委屈
你是我这一生这一生最最最害怕去伤害到的人
也是我这一生这一生唯一能让我安定下来的人
虽然我并没有并没有并没有一身温纯的灵魂
但是我很愿意很愿意做那个永远照顾你的人
我的爱人请听我有颗不善言语的心
只能够看着你远处的背影( ::"-":: )